Your arms wrapped around me and your nose in my hair

As I lay here lonely in my bed at night,  I hope and hope with all my might, that it was not real, it was not so, you did not leave,  you did not go. I know it’s not your fault, you did not want to leave. You tried and tried to stay, but did…

4 months today :(

So it has now been 4 months today since my wonderful Tom was taken from us. Does it feel any better or any easier? Not in the slightest. I don’t cry every day any more. But I do still cry several times a week. Have I found any motivation to be sociable? Not really. The…

A quick reflection

I haven’t written a blog in a little while because December has been a difficult month with everyone in Christmas festivities. I took the kids to Lanzarote for Christmas because I desperately needed a change of scenery. While the journey was very tough trying to move a load of suitcases and a pushchair, with the…

As I sit in tears…

I decided to start putting the Christmas decorations up today while Kelli was at school as I know she is excited so I thought it would be a nice surprise for her to come home to. For me however, it has felt pretty shit while I have been putting them up. I didn’t realise how…

The void

I find it very difficult to believe that Tom has been dead for 8 weeks now. Where has the time gone?  It frightens me because the longer time goes on, the further away from Tom I feel. I’m scared that I am going to forget things about him. I’m exhausted. Before I met Tom, I…

Missing my husband x

Tomorrow would have been Tom’s birthday. I can’t begin to describe how shit I feel right now. Tonight should be full of hype and preparation, making sure what ever I’d organised for Tom’s birthday was all ready. Obviously this is not the case and I now find myself in a very sad state. I wanted…

I am not ok

People ask me every day ‘how are you?’ or ‘are you ok?’….I always reply ‘I’m ok’. The truth is that I am not ok. Everything in my life has changed and there is nothing anyone can say or do to comfort me right now. People tell me that Tom will always be with me and…

Kelli’s MRI scan day

Today has been a really tough day for Kelli and I. It was Kelli’s MRI scan today. She has to have these scans every 6 months at the moment to make sure if her cancer comes back that we catch it as soon as possible. Kelli has to have a general anaesthetic for her scans,…

Offence caused by last night’s blog…

I have clearly offended someone who is in my “family ” from what I wrote in my blog last night. This is not an apology. Such person stated that I forget things when it suits me. I haven’t forgotten that you helped with Kelli’s appeal at the beginning, I am grateful for that so thank…

We should have had a lifetime together

If there is one thing that I have learnt over the past few years, it’s that family are not always those who are blood related to you. I feel like having a rant so if I offend you then don’t read my blog. We had my nan’s funeral today. Lots of people I never expected…