Forever and a day x

Dear Tom,
I cannot believe a year has passed since you had to leave us. So much has happened since you have been gone. You wouldn’t believe how big both of the kids have got. They have changed so much in just one year. Kelli has really shot up and is growing into a beautiful young lady. She is a cheeky little madam sometimes though and I can see her turning into a pre-teen, attempting arguments with me from time to time, overall she is a sweet girl though. She does lots of little things that remind me of you so much; the monkey dance pops up from time to time, some of the things she says, and the silly over-exaggerated burps you used to do at the dining table still live on! Haha that really does make me laugh now, I know I used to roll my eyes and moan about it sometimes. You were right, I do look back at these things and laugh.

Fletcher has grown so much too Tom. He is so cute with his big blue eyes and his hair has started to go blonde now. He doesn’t talk much yet but he certainly makes himself heard! When I tell him ‘no’ for picking up the remote control or for throwing the strategically placed cushions from your chair he looks at me and shouts “ahhhh”, I tell him to not answer me back and he just shouts at me again! It is the funniest thing in the world. I obviously don’t let him know that I find it so funny. Fletcher is such a happy little boy, he rarely cries and is always smiling and laughing at something. I feel so blessed to have such a happy little boy, as I don’t think my anxiety could cope with anything less. Thank you for the most precious gift you could ever have given me. Fletcher has been a blessing to us all, but especially Kelli and myself.

I do feel sad about the things and memories that Fletcher will never have. I will always feel sad about that because Kelli has so many lovely memories and photos when Fletcher has no memories and very few photos, but I promise that Fletcher will always know how much you desperately wanted and loved him. I remember the day Fletcher was born, you were so poorly. I didn’t want to wake you up to tell you I was in labour because you needed your sleep but you were absolutely wonderful, such a great support to me during the 16 hours I was in pain for. I don’t know if I ever thanked you for being so great that day, thank you. It certainly felt worth all the pain after seeing you meet and hold your son for the first time. I am glad I could give you that experience, you were born to be a dad, but trust you for getting out of changing a single nappy haha!

I look forward to the days that I can sit and talk to Fletcher about you and tell him all sorts of funny stories. Kelli and I regularly talk about you, every single day. We talk about our happy memories of you mostly and watch some videos, I will always wish we had more. I’m waiting for your mom to sort out some photos of you from your childhood so that I can put together a book of your life. It will be so nice for Kelli and Fletcher to have something like that to look at as they grow up, and to show their children one day too.

I know that you are still around us Tom, and you show me you’ve been with us in your own special way. It comforts me to know that you are at peace now and no longer in any pain, but I still forever long to feel your arms wrapped around me again. I hope that I made your life happy Tom. I often think about our fun times together where we would be in fits of laughter, only you could make me laugh so much I would lose sound and generate tears haha! Thank you for making me so happy when life had been so unhappy for such a long time before you. Even though things are hard now, I will remember that happiness and hold on to it for a lifetime.
Until we meet again, my wonderful, brave and inspirational husband. My hero always. I will love you forever and a day, Joely xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx